Friday, July 29, 2011

What's my "Job"?

So...I'm not only new to blogging, but I am also about to embark on the role of "stay home mom".  Yes, I've been home with the kids all summer, but that's not new to me.  As a teacher, I have always been home during the summers.  I don't think I'll really feel the difference until Mia starts school.  I'm beginning to have anxiety about it.  What am I suppose to do?  I'm stressing out about my lack of a plan.  Here are the thoughts that are honestly running through my mind:

1.  I work out at the gym right now for two hours at least 5 days/week.  By the time I get home, feed the kids, give Ross his breathing treatment, eat, and shower, it's 12:00-12:30.  I begin wondering if I'm being too selfish by spending so much of the day at the gym.  It is a lifestyle change that I really am enjoying, though.

2.  I want to write a book (or a few).  I actually have tons of ideas, and many of my fellow teachers have been pushing me to get some of my ideas down for quite some time.  I have some creative ways that I've taught grammar, and I know that it could really help other teachers.  How would I find time for that?  Wouldn't it be double-selfish for me to spend so much time at the gym AND writing?  (Yes, it's ironic that I have started a blog while I'm feeling this way.)

3. To Teach, or To Mother?   I have Graham in a sports development class at The Little Gym.  He loves it, and we're learning a lot about how he learns by watching him in the class.  He is also going to be doing soccer at the park on Tuesday mornings.  (There goes my Tuesday morning workout!)  What should I do the other days?  I know I can take him to the library, and tons of other fun places, but I'm picky and tend to think "hmmm...I could have done that better." or "Jeesh!  Check for understanding, people!"  It sounds bad, I know.  I'm just being honest.  What I really want is to do fun lessons, crafts, etc. with him at home, but would that be boring? Even if I make it "fun"?

4.  Mia.  She is super excited to have a mommy who can participate in all of her school activities and events.  I will get to be a parent reader, take her lunch, volunteer at parties, etc.  It's going to be awesome!  What I'm going to struggle with is the "just a mom" part.  Since she's labeled "GT" and I'm GT certified, I know exactly what she should be doing in her classroom to be challenged.  What if her teacher doesn't do those things?  I don't want her sitting in the back of the room reading all day, or having to be a tutor.  Not her job.  I guess I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.  I hope I won't.

5.  Household Duties- UGH!  I really do feel like I should have a spic-n-span house now that I'm home.  I've tried.  Trust me...I really have.  I just can't figure out how to do it.

Example:  One day, I did my whole gym routine and headed to the grocery store at 1:00.  I took all three kids.  Yikes!  We got home at 2:30.  By the time I unloaded the groceries (with tons of interruptions), it was 3:15.  I then fed Ross, put him down for a nap, and poof!  It was 4:00.  Time to start folding the clothes I had put in the wash before the grocery store and in the dryer when we got home.  4:30- Dinner prep started.  I have to start early b/c it takes a long time with the numerous interruptions!  By the time Jeremy gets home at 5:40...Dinner's ready.  The house is a mess, and I feel guilty b/c I didn't "do anything" all day.  Does Jeremy care?  Nope.  He knows how it is.  It's just pressure I put on myself.  I really need to figure this one out! 

So...These are my random thoughts.  This is my anxiety about needing to know exactly what I'm doing.  I've never been a fan of lesson plans at school.  I just know the material, and I teach it the way that particular class needs it taught.  It's different every year.  This is foreign to me, though.  I'm not well-versed at the art of homemaker and I'd love support/advice...whatever!  Thanks!!!


Cyndi Hendrickson said...

You're not crazy. It's definitely an adjustment and there are a bazillion things I'd love to be doing, too. In fact, I'm pretty sure every SAHM I know has a huge list of really clever and wonderful ideas...things that they can't seem to find the time to do. There just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything we want to do so we have to prioritize. The cool thing is that your priorities are not the same as mine or anyone else's so you get to build your day yourself. You're your own boss and you do your own 'observations' now. Yay!

Karen Cullinan said...

I think you sound like a very loving and conscientious mother. Your family is so blessed. :)